


pretty good

by archiveofyoumom



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Bucky Barnes Recovering, Bucky is getting better, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Recovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-08
Updated: 2020-03-08
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:00:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23061364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/archiveofyoumom/pseuds/archiveofyoumom
Summary: Bucky had a good week
Kudos: 5





	pretty good

**Author's Note:**

> trigger warning: very mild mention of eating troubles
> 
> just a very short stream of consciousness thingy i felt like writing today, please enjoy (and let me know if i should add more warnings or tags)

It's been a pretty good week. For Bucky, one of the best he's had in awhile.

It started with a good day, then two, then he tried to stop keeping track- if he thought too hard about it he felt he might jinx it. So he had paid attention only out of the corner of his eyes and in the minutes right before falling asleep every night. And it must have worked because it's already Sunday again and he's still feeling good.

Nothing wildly out of the ordinary had happened; his days looked no different than they had looked the week before. At least no differences that an observer could easily discern. The shift was in how he was experiencing these days ( _does that mean there was never anything wrong in the first place? or that the wrong was only ever inside him?_ ), Bucky wasn't trying to think about that too hard either.

But it has been a week and Bucky is still feeling good and he's thinking that maybe now is the time to think about it. He's supposed to be paying attention to his feelings these day, after all- something Steve, and Same, and the therapist he's been avoiding are always reminding him. Another one of the million things that had taken some getting used to. Everyone was always asking him _how are you?_ and _are you okay?_ and _what are you feeling?_ These were not easy questions to answer. In the beginning, because it hadn't really occurred to him to consider his own thoughts or feelings. He was out of practice. These days, it was a matter of whether to tell the monotonous truth about how awful he always seemed to feel, or to lie- something he was very good at but that he still didn't quite enjoy.

But, when Steve asked over text this morning how he was feeling, he was being completely honest by typing back _pretty good_. It had been the fifth night in a row without any nightmares, and the eighth morning he had managed to eat breakfast without any nagging. Jesus it kinda feels good to say that,

_pretty good_.

It doesn't mean everything is okay. He knows better than to believe himself to be all better. Whatever that means. Another thing people are always telling him; there will be good days and bad days. But today is a good day, after seven other good days, and maybe he has a right to be a little excited about that. He hopes he's not jinxing it.

It's not about superstition or anything like that. It's just that, his brain is a messy place. And spending too much time thinking is not usually a good thing for him. Someone had used the phrase 'out of my mind' a couple weeks ago and Bucky had almost laughed audibly. It was funny. He was stuck inside of his mind, that was the whole problem. The less time spent there, the better.

But he's feeling good and maybe it wouldn't hurt to try this time. There might be actual reasons why he's feeling better, right? Should he try to identify them, maybe write them down? Maybe he will try the journaling thing people are always talking about. He impresses himself with how functional he can be sometimes these days. Not all the time, but more and more frequently. Recovery isn't linear, as they always tell him, but maybe he really is recovering. He'll wait until later to think about why that leaves such a bitter taste in his mouth.

That's the thing about getting better- it doesn't always feel very good. Today it does, though, he reminds himself. It's a start.


End file.
